So while visiting with Charlie, Ellie, and me today, a person made a few jokes about when we’re going to add another baby and then says, “I just knew you were going to tell us Camille was pregnant!”
People say the DUMBEST things. And too often, they are people who are supposed to love and care for us but apparently haven’t taken all that much time to brush up on their infertility etiquette or “Things Not to Say to Adoptive Parents 101.” For anyone interested in how to be sensitive to others, I suggest reading HERE.
In reply, I gave a polite (as in icy), “Adoption doesn’t cure infertility, thanks.” Really, I wanted to jump into a verbal assault. These types of questions suggest that we are still somehow hoping for the ultimate goal of a biological child…as if Ellie is just some placeholder until we achieve pregnancy. Stop and think. Would you expect a pregnancy from a mother who gave birth only five months ago? No? Then why would you expect me to want another child so soon? Ellie is not a tool to get the child we really wanted. She IS the child we wanted….our sweet, funny, amazing gift from God.
Also, such a callous question shows how little you understand about infertility. (More kinda moody thoughts about dumb people HERE). We didn’t make the decision to pursue adoption lightly, and there is generally a mourning process involved in saying goodbye to one’s reproductive abilities. However, we’d prefer you didn’t remind us of that loss all the time. Instead, we suggest you use your mouth to make funny faces for Ellie. It will be a better use of your time.
So friend, just so you know….we don’t have any plans to become pregnant anytime soon. If that happens, we will of course be joyful (as we would with the addition of any child into our lives through any path), and we’ll be sure to tell you, but we don’t plan on spending any more of our lives worrying about it. We think God has done a pretty fabulous job of building our family thus far, and we plan to add to it in the future…. likely through adoption.